Today has been a challenge and as the day progresses towards evening it has seemed to get harder. I have done a little better at making more time in my life for prayer (a little). I continue to let everyday life offers distractions that take my time away from God. There is a particular stretch of road that I have had to travel quite frequently lately to get to a patients home. I have had some experiences on that road that I can barely explain and the more I try to understand them it seems the more I don't. Last Tuesday, May 10, 2011, I was driving and praying and suddenly, almost like someone else was talking for me. My prayers for my husband, my children, a dear friend that had just lost a loved one turned into words that I am not sure I even know where they came from. I had tears coming down my face so hard that I had to literally pull my car off onto the side of the road and compose myself a bit so that I could safely make the rest of that trip. Suddenly, I found myself saying, “God, I know that you are trying to tell me something but I can not understand what it is. Please help me find my way and tell me what you want me to do.” Could it be? Was God trying to tell me something?! Am I even worthy of a message from God? I fought the notion all day that it could be a message for me only and tried to push it into the back of my mind. Later that evening, I could not ignore that feeling any longer and I had to share it with someone. I sat Steven down and started with, “Please don't think I am crazy but...” He replied, 'I would NEVER think you are crazy for listening to God, NEVER!' . He encouraged me to pray about it and to be patient but when ever the time is right that I know what this message is, I will know it! I won't have a question about what it could be. Patience is NOT my strong point. I am trying though. The next few days as I traveled down that road, I felt anxious one day, not scared or upset or anything like that but anxious like I was missing something. One day I cried and cried as I traveled that road with no explanation as to why. And now it is to where I simply look forward to traveling this route because I realize that because I am so desperately searching for an unseen message (at this time) I tend to turn off the radio, put down the cell phone and pray and just wait. Maybe this is the uninterrupted time I was searching for! The time for just me and God to get to know one another! MY time to pray without life's distractions getting in the way!
“And in the morning, rising up a great while before day, he went out, and departed into a solitary place, and there he prayed” ~Mark 1:35~
This shows me that even Jesus needed to get out, get alone, and have his time to pray to God. So, instead of searching for my message, I am gonna try a new thing, patience, and wait on that message to come to me! I will rise in the morning (go to work), go out (doing my visits), and go to a solitary place (my car, Ellie as the girls calls it), and pray!! Jesus lived a sinful life but as much as he was God, he was human. If he needed to have this time then certainly I do!
Here, it is best said,
“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. “ Philippians 4:4-6
Steven came to me a few days after the first experience on this road and he told me that when he was praying that morning he felt like God was leading him to tell me “Seek him (God) continuously”. That is what I intend to do! I aim to do that without anxiousness and nervousness about my surroundings and current situations but with peace and prayer! Wish me luck!