I find that it becomes harder and harder to leave my family in the evenings to come to work. Yesterday, the love of my life, my wonderful husband, celebrated his 36th birthday. For the first time in a very long time, there was nothing planned for the evening and we were able to enjoy dinner together. I was so excited to have the opportunity to cook dinner for him last night and sit down and say blessing with him and my girls and just enjoy the evening. All day yesterday I busied myself with grocery shopping to get the needed ingredients, baking a cake for dessert, and just waiting for the right time to start cooking our meal. I did not even stress when the cake crumbled like day old cornbread as I began to ice it. I simply brainstormed about the best way to correct the cake dilemma and quickly put the girls to making white chocolate pudding and “beating” a Hershey bar to slivers as I layered my cake crumbs, icing, and chocolate pudding in a bowl. It turned out pretty good!
Later in the evening, I got cuddle time on the couch with the girls after I gave them a bath and even had time to read them a story. We packed their lunches for school today and before I knew it I was tucking them into bed. Those little things that I totally took for granted back in the days that I was home every evening are the same little things that I count down to Wednesdays to get the chance to do! How could I have not realized how absolutely blessed I was to be able to do something as simple as cook a good hot meal for my family!
I find myself shedding tears day after day just longing for one more cuddle on the couch or the chance to be home early enough to kiss my kids goodnight BEFORE they are asleep. I pray often for an extra day that we can sit down together as a family for a meal. I am fully aware that I am completely blessed that I have a job to go to everyday because in this economy I am surrounded by many that do not have that luxury. I long for those days that I took so easily for granted as I spent every evening calling out spelling words of the week in between loads of laundry as I run back and forth to the kitchen to check on the dinner that is cooking. I miss sitting on the porch with my husband after the kids have gone to bed and just enjoying the night air as we catch up with one another from the day’s events.
I am praying for the strength to endure the pain I feel as I leave my family and the wisdom to realize that this is God’s will and it IS why I have this job that I leave them for in the evenings. I do realize that when our little man arrives in about six weeks or so I will feel blessed that I do not have to take a newborn to daycare because of my work schedule. Please say a little prayer for me as I agonizingly walk out the door every evening and for my girls as they tell me that they just want mommy to tuck them in before they go to sleep. I am praying for peace of mind as I know that they are in good hands when I have to be away from them and that my worries are indeed valid but selfish because as I said earlier, I am so blessed to have a job to come to. I aim to remember these words from the book of John the next time that I hesitate to leave my babies when I have to be away.
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” ~ John 14:27 ~