Just a Few Stairs on Our Hike!

Just a Few Stairs on Our Hike!
This lead up to where the green grass grows!

Friday, August 7, 2015

Life Without Jason

                I used to be a very spiritual person. I was Faithful in my beliefs. My favorite saying was, “Walk by faith, not by sight”. I have worked in healthcare for almost 20 years and have seen sickness, abuse, witnessed hardships and pain. My faith still did not waiver. I had experienced divorce, watched my children’s pain as they learned to live amongst two separate households instead of WITH their parents. I have survived domestic violence myself. And even the crazy antics that go along with having a husband that has an ex-wife with an untreated mood disorder. She alone has accused me child abuse among other things. Still I was faithful in my beliefs. I have done some soul searching the past few days and tried my best to find the answer to why my beliefs changed less than 10 months ago.
                October 16, 2014, I walked into my baby brother’s home early in the morning to find that he had passed away in his sleep.  He was only 15 months younger than me so until his death I could not remember a time that he was not in my life. He was my first friend, and all my life I considered him my best friend. We did just about everything together. Smoked our first cigarettes together when we were much too young to do it (sorry mom), learned to drive, went 4-wheeling, and snuck a drink of the cooking wine (Yuk! Sorry again mom). You name it; we probably did it, or some version of it. He was who I would call if I was mad, or sad, or happy! Jason was my go to guy.

                August 9, 2014 we had a surprise anniversary party for my parent’s 50th wedding anniversary. The last time we were able to have a family picture, my parents and their three children. I am so thankful for those memories, for that recent picture to hold onto.  But with the anniversary of that fast approaching I realize how sad my heart is too. Jason had a seizure at that party. He had to be transported by ambulance to the local hospital where he was transferred to a larger hospital for further testing. Neurology found nothing. He was never really healthy after that, not completely anyway.
                October 13 was Jason’s 36th birthday. I was working in Urgent Care at that time and doing 12 hours shifts so I didn’t make it over there that Monday or Tuesday. Wednesday I only worked until two o’clock so I took a cake and dinner to my little bro. My parents had wanted to take him to eat Chinese for his birthday but he had a “stomach bug”. When I got there I realized how sick he had been.  He had been vomiting blood. You see “old blood” or blood from a “high bleed” looks dark, like coffee grounds. I know that as a medical professional but neither he nor my parents realized. I told him that is what it was but he was stubborn and would not believe me.  

I made the wrong choice at that moment, after 7 straight 12 hours shifts plus one half day I was tired and I just wanted to take my five kids home. After I got home I text Jason until around 9:15 and told him to please text me if he changed his mind and I would come and take him to the hospital, he assured me he would. I also told him if he was still sick the next morning I was going to take him to the doctor. He agreed to that as well.  Jason did not have a land line at his house and only enough service to text as he lived far out in the country. I decided to go on to bed so I could get up and get to the gym at my regular time; 4:33 A.M. comes early.
When my alarm went off I did my usual thing, got dressed, brushed teeth etc. As I was heading out the door to the gym I picked up my cell to realize I had a missed text from the night before.

11:15 pm – “tell them I need them, mom and dad has the key”
Oh my God! I had missed a text from my little brother. I immediately called my dad because I didn’t have a key to his house. I was in a panic, waking my husband, throwing on jeans instead of gym clothes. I knew what I was going to find before I got there. I knew in my heart. The person that I could feel with me no matter what, for as long as I could remember was gone. I could not feel him anymore.  I waited in the driveway, for my dad. Texting Jason as I waited. Telling him I am coming. Dad knew it too, I could see it in his eyes when he stepped out of his car.

As he opened the door with his key it was like everything around me was in slow motion. The door opened slower than any entranceway I had ever passed through, Brock and Brady his “boys” as he called them, two very large dogs, were walking what seemed like in slow motion as I tried to get past them and make it through the kitchen. As soon as I turned the corner, I could tell. It looked as if he simply went to sleep, sitting in his favorite spot on the couch. He looked more peaceful than I had seen in years. Immediately I could hear my own screams but I could not control them. They were just coming out. All I could do was shake his lifeless body and ask God “why?” My dad, my 70 year old dad had to literally drag me away from my little brother.

My dad and I had to drive out a bit to get service enough to call 911. I called my husband so he would know that I would not be there to get the kids to school. We went back to the house and we waited. Waited on the ambulance.  Living in a small town everyone knows everybody. There was something very calming about it as one of the people on the ambulance stood and shared good memories with me. The police officer that came also knew Jason and me in our younger, more “wild” years. He kept saying, “You two were always such good kids”.  I saw that Ford Focus driving up the street. It was my mom. Oh God, how do we tell my mom that her son is gone?

My dad and I had to tell her. She screamed and cried the way I had. My dad hugged her and all I could do was wrap my arms around myself and try to stay warm.  The next few hours are a bit of a blur. They entailed the ambulance taking Jason to the hospital, me going to the hospital to “identify the body”, calling my sister and our longtime family friend. The phone call to my sister was one of the worst things ever. Breaking that sort of news over the phone and she was 3 hours away. I called; when she answered I could not say a thing at first. I just sat there. She said, “Karen?” and all I could do was sigh. It sounded like someone else’s voice as I whispered, “Jason is gone”.  It was the same response as mine and our mom’s, she cried, she screamed. But it was torcher, I could not hug her, she was too far away.

Once we were back to town I had to start making phone calls. I was afraid that social media would somehow tell people before I could.  I called my Uncle Leon, my dad’s youngest brother who agreed to call my dad’s side of the family for me and my cousin Shannon who took care of my mom’s side. I had to call Bill, I couldn’t. So I messaged his wife Theresa and asked her to call me. By the time she did I think it was setting in and I was going into shock. She said, “Hey it’s Theresa, you wanted me to call” and I just sat there in a stupor. I could not even think. She agreed to go get Bill at work and tell him in person.  I had to let Heather know. She was Jason’s high school sweetie and should have been my sister in law but they were young and never made it that far. I consider her family still and she was a rock through all of this. She would check on me, chat with me, listen to me rant, and let me cry, whatever I needed.

Jason had a simple life. He liked it that way. He was happy enough I suppose. At that point he was not hurting anymore. But I was mad. I am still mad. I hurt all the time, missing him. Life had to go on; I have five children for goodness sake. That was a Thursday morning that we found him. Two days later we went to a soccer game. I sighed with dread as I walked across that field knowing there would be people, People to offer condolences, hugs, with questions. I knew it had to be done. I took a deep breath and walked forward. Immediately one of my friends was standing in front of me, coming up to my left was his ex-wife (they were no longer with one another but both friends of mine), people were giving me looks, smiles. I just wanted to run away, far away. The very first love of my life was coming across the field towards me along with his wife to offer kind words, some tried to catch my eye, and others looked away because they did not know what to say.  “Just let me get through this” is all I could think.     

The next day was the funeral. We went through the ordering of the casket once Terri got to town. I was adamant about his headstone. It had to be simple and perfect like he was. He would not want the old, “In loving memory” so I asked my sister and my parents and they agreed that the perfect headstone for him, and it describes him to a tee would simply say

                Son, Brother, Uncle, Friend

                Paul Jason O’Quin

                Oct 13, 1978- Oct 16, 2014

We made it through the funeral, most of that I honestly do not remember. I remember that my heart ached for days and it felt like a physical pain that I cannot describe. I remember that food tasted terrible. I remember days of sobbing quietly in the shower so that my children and my husband did not have to hear.  It felt unreal, unfair, and indescribable. It still does many days, most days.  So now it is this thing, which has changed me. It has made me cold towards some things, more passionate about others.  I anger easily at the words, “you do not understand” because I do understand. I now know what it is like to lose a sibling, a best friend.

I have not been to church since. Maybe one or two times I went, but not regularly. My faith is faltered; my beliefs have waivered even though I never thought they would.  The anger has not begun to fade.  If anything it rises up within me in those times that I KNOW I would have talked to my brother about a problem, sent him a silly joke, or just text to ask how he was doing. I hope he really is in a better place. If you are the praying type, please pray for peace and comfort for me. If not, send good vibes my direction. I could really use them.

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Reinforcing the Nest for my baby bird

I suppose we all go through stages in life that we are searching for “something”. I am the first to admit that there are times in my own life when I am struggling with a situation and turn to Him for guidance. I know, know, know that this is the wrong way to approach life. I should ALWAYS have complete and udder faith in all situations in my life. I know that God is in charge of EVERY situation and that I cannot change. God has moved in my life more times than I can even count, I am surrounded by blessings every single moment. There are times that I have heard people say to me, “you really have your hands full” and I simply laugh a little as I think in response to that ridiculous comment, “I would much rather have my hands full than empty”. Am I tired at times? Certainly I am! Do I long for a quiet evening with absolutely nothing to do some days? Of course I do! But would I ever change this crazy little thing called life that we have created? Absolutely not! Sadly, my oldest step-daughter has chosen not to be a part of our lives as far as this family unit is concerned, I pray about that often. The rest of the family is thriving as we grow not only in numbers but in our ability to view one another as a real family unit even though we are a jumble of a combination of his, hers, and ours… It seems that many times we get past one challenge only to open the door to the next one.

Last night, Steven and I were outside attempting to start a fire in our fire pit (without avail I might add). It was late, already dark out and as we were walking back in something “flopped” to the ground and made a small squeak sound. Initially I thought it was a frog that had either jumped or fallen from the tree above us. As I neared the “frog”, I realized it was a baby bird. There is a nest up high in that tree that we were talking about just the day before and wondering if there were birds or at least eggs in it. It was obvious upon examining the creature that it had met its final day. I ran in and got a flash light and looking up above we could actually see the hole in the nest that the bird had fallen from as well as one of its siblings lurking closely to that hole as well. I went to bed pretty upset about witnessing that and even said, “that mommy bird did not make a very good nest for her babies”. As I woke up this morning the bird was still on my mind. I wonder if that mommy is grieving the loss of her child or if she is even aware that it is gone from the nest. I reflected on my thoughts of her poor nest building skills and realized that in the whole grand scheme of things, a tree is a pretty awesome habitat for a baby bird. You see they can soar high in the air and a tree is just out of reach of danger but close enough to the ground so that the momma can easily search for food to feed her little ones. After more consideration, I realize that a baby bird falling from the tree is the likes of a baby human rolling off of a bed. If we leave them unattended, even for a moment, there is a chance that they will find their independence and roll a little too close to the edge. The old adage of, “whatever will be, will be” is ringing in my ears. God’s Will is going to come to pass. We do not know when but it will happen!

Today comes the day that I must go and protect one of my baby birds from a situation that I have successfully sheltered her from for almost 13 years. We have an unspoken need concerning this situation going on in our lives at the present and I am pleading for prayers of those that are taking the time to read this. I know that there is power in prayer and power in numbers… You put the two together in the combination of MANY people praying, and that is when God starts moving.  I am oddly calm considering what the day could potentially have in store and I know that is my God! I do not pray like I should nor do I pretend to and there are times that I doubt things that I know I should not doubt. Ultimately, I know that there are times that I doubt my own faith and that is wrong. That is something that I need to work on personally as I make way through life. I realize how it is designed to be. “And if you believe you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer. Matthew 21:22. And while I pull this tiny piece of scripture into this writing today I realize how very powerful it is. I am putting my trust in my God that what is right is what will happen today. I trust in Him for the outcome.

Also, please say a prayer for a dear friend of mine that has been diagnosed with a very serious form of leukemia. She is a woman of God, a wife, a mother, a daughter, a friend to so many. She is fighting for her life at the moment and I know in my heart of hearts that just as I observed earlier, ‘whatever will be, will be” but she and this family need her here on Earth longer than her short 36 years.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Praying for peace of mind

I find that it becomes harder and harder to leave my family in the evenings to come to work. Yesterday, the love of my life, my wonderful husband, celebrated his 36th birthday. For the first time in a very long time, there was nothing planned for the evening and we were able to enjoy dinner together. I was so excited to have the opportunity to cook dinner for him last night and sit down and say blessing with him and my girls and just enjoy the evening. All day yesterday I busied myself with grocery shopping to get the needed ingredients, baking a cake for dessert, and just waiting for the right time to start cooking our meal. I did not even stress when the cake crumbled like day old cornbread as I began to ice it. I simply brainstormed about the best way to correct the cake dilemma and quickly put the girls to making white chocolate pudding and “beating” a Hershey bar to slivers as I layered my cake crumbs, icing, and chocolate pudding in a bowl. It turned out pretty good!

Later in the evening, I got cuddle time on the couch with the girls after I gave them a bath and even had time to read them a story. We packed their lunches for school today and before I knew it I was tucking them into bed. Those little things that I totally took for granted back in the days that I was home every evening are the same little things that I count down to Wednesdays to get the chance to do! How could I have not realized how absolutely blessed I was to be able to do something as simple as cook a good hot meal for my family!

I find myself shedding tears day after day just longing for one more cuddle on the couch or the chance to be home early enough to kiss my kids goodnight BEFORE they are asleep. I pray often for an extra day that we can sit down together as a family for a meal. I am fully aware that I am completely blessed that I have a job to go to everyday because in this economy I am surrounded by many that do not have that luxury. I long for those days that I took so easily for granted as I spent every evening calling out spelling words of the week in between loads of laundry as I run back and forth to the kitchen to check on the dinner that is cooking. I miss sitting on the porch with my husband after the kids have gone to bed and just enjoying the night air as we catch up with one another from the day’s events.

I am praying for the strength to endure the pain I feel as I leave my family and the wisdom to realize that this is God’s will and it IS why I have this job that I leave them for in the evenings. I do realize that when our little man arrives in about six weeks or so I will feel blessed that I do not have to take a newborn to daycare because of my work schedule. Please say a little prayer for me as I agonizingly walk out the door every evening and for my girls as they tell me that they just want mommy to tuck them in before they go to sleep. I am praying for peace of mind as I know that they are in good hands when I have to be away from them and that my worries are indeed valid but selfish because as I said earlier, I am so blessed to have a job to come to. I aim to remember these words from the book of John the next time that I hesitate to leave my babies when I have to be away.

 “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” ~ John 14:27 ~

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

For yesterday (didn't post until today)

Outside my window.....the skies are gray with rain showers in the forecast for today and all week, a great day for a nap!

 I am thinking.....that I would rather be home in fuzzy PJ’s on a rainy day like this instead of working.

 I am thankful.....for the support and love of my wonderful family and that I have my husband’s warm arms to come home to when I get off of work.

I am wearing.....a pair of khaki maternity cargo pants, a comfy shirt, and flip flops (I wear them all I can now before the seasons change.

I am hearing.....the rain falling outside.

I am wondering.....how gigantic my belly is really going to be when it is all said and done and our baby boy makes his appearance in the next 12 or so weeks…

I am creating.....some really fun Jeopardy games to share with my students…

 I am going.....to get that package mailed out to my niece, Schyler, tomorrow! It is her first semester of college and she needs to have some goodies from her favorite Aunt!

I am reading.....nothing at the moment but always open to suggestions…

 I am praying.....for God to do some life changing work in our family.

 I am remembering.....the first time I set eyes on Baleigh, my first born, and now she is almost a teen!

I am hoping.....to finish getting Fall/Winter clothes out of the building this weekend (if the weather cooperates).  

On my mind.....is meeting this bouncing baby boy that is growing inside of me.

I am learning....that my temper paired with my big mouth makes me regret things often, too often.  

Noticing that.....my deck really could use a good pressure wash! (Maybe in the spring)

I am looking forward to.....watching my “baby” celebrate her 12th birthday!

 Pondering these words..... "A child needs both to be hugged and unhugged. The hug lets her know she is valuable. The unhug lets her know that she is viable. If you’re always shoving your child away, they will cling to you for love. If you’re always holding them closer, they will cling to you for fear." --Polly Berrien Berends, Gently Lead

From the kitchen.....I WILL get that egg salad made for Hubby’s lunch as well as a roast in the crock for dinner!

 Around the house....I really need to do some laundry!

One of my favorite things.....is this time of year and seeing first hand all of God’s wonderful creations around us as the leaves change to brilliant colors!

A few plans for the rest of the week.....include finishing a power point for work, watching a volleyball game, got the glucose tolerance test over with today (yuck!), a conference call, making a reservation for the end of the month when we go to Morgantown!, celebrating Baleigh’s 12 birthday!

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Snippets of My Life

I share snippets of my life with my readers.  I am not sure if it is hormones that are raging within my 26 week pregnant body or I if am simply at a breaking point where I am not sure how much I can take anymore. Those close to me know that on December 30, 2011 for the first time ever I disagreed (out loud) with the way my oldest step daughter constantly chose to play her parents, her mother and my husband, against one another. Do I regret that decision? Absolutely not! Do I wish the reaction from her would have been different? Only every day of my life!  Now, I feel that I am constantly wandering around and constantly wondering what in the world will happen next in this crazy little life of ours. I used to find such joy in the everyday pursuit of life and now constantly face it with uncertainty and dismay. I realized how bad this is affecting me only this evening as I sat on the couch with my computer, trying unsuccessfully to get some work done. As my mind started to racing (again) about our life situation I found myself goggleing “my step daughter hates me”. WoW! I was shocked at how many people had posted their own heart breaking stories of their experiences of such situations.

The one constant thought that I have about this is that time is the only infinite and once it is gone, it is gone. And sadly this past almost year of time that has passed only widens the gap in the relationship that I fear we will never have.  I torcher myself constantly with the memories of the few interactions that we have had since that horrid night. One of those is the memory of her publicly announcing on Facebook that she hates me and hopes I die. I tried over and over to text and invite her for family gatherings and just offer a sentiment of my hopes for her to have a good day. Until she finally answered me! I was so excited as I opened that text message. The excitement quickly turned to an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach as I read the words, “ Don’t text me. If you do again I will block your number. You are the reason I haven’t been coming in and you are the reason for the strain in me and my dad’s relationship and I will NEVER forgive you for that. I have no interest in further communication with you.” That was on April 3, 2012 and so I did not text her again until…. One morning, July 5, 2012 I woke up to find that she had sent me a friend request on Facebook! I was ecstatic until…. I sent her a text that read,” when I woke up and saw that you sent me an add on fb I felt like so many prayers had been answered. I hope we can work on our friendship. Hope your 4th was good!” And as fast as I was friended, I was unfriended all over again. Not sure I understood, the only the only thing that I could figure was that she was not actually the one that sent me the friend request in the first place but maybe someone trying to be a little nosey since we had only the day before had our “gender reveal” party.

I try to rationalize why this crazy little situation has taken a hold of my life the way that it has. I try to find some comfort in knowing (after my little google search) that I am not the only person in this world that has experienced such heartache. I try to find something in God’s word to help ease the pain. I have to find the strength to change that “why me?” “why us” mentality. I know that God has a purpose here and He has a reason for everything that He does as well as a plan.

I watch my almost 12 year old bounce through the house and I can vividly remember meeting her for the very first time, my first true love. My younger daughters had the same affect on my life as they took their first breath outside of my womb. I have had the opportunity to cultivate flourishing relationships with both of my husband’s younger daughters and I feel that those relationships grow stronger all the time but all the while this whisper inside of me is growing into a SCREAM that yells, “Please God let me get to know Bailee (the one that hates me) one day!”

“He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” Ecclesiastes 3:11                                            This bible verse tells me that God knows EXACTLY what I am struggling with and in its own time, in His time I will see the exquisiteness in it all.  I am not very successful thus far in finding patience to deal with this situation without frustration and tears. Please send prayers my way and offer any bible verses that you think may help me along in this heart wrenching journey. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Your prayers are greatly needed and appreciated in this difficult time!

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Some News to Share!

                It has been a long time since I have written, too long. So very much has been going on since my last entry.  On Wednesday, May 24th I realized suddenly that something was going on with my body that it seemed easier to just ignore the inevitable at that moment. Finally, when I could wait no longer I went and purchased a home pregnancy test.  I did not even have to wait the full three minutes because that “positive” line popped up almost immediately! How could this be?! Up to that point I had not had even one day of morning sickness which was very different from my other pregnancies, I had a surgery three years ago that should ensure a  difficult time for a pregnancy to even begin in my womb, AND I was on birth control ! Confused and almost disoriented as I was absorbing this new information, I decided I needed to let it process a little before I shared the news with anyone, even Steven. He and I were planning a weekend away that coming weekend so I needed to process the news enough so that I could break it to him gently. Not that he would be mad or anything but at this time in our life we have six girls already and I am planning on starting back to school myself in December. The timing was just a little off and frankly not our plan. I suppose I realized from the moment I saw the positive results that it had nothing to do with “our plan” anyway but it is God’s plan.

“For I know the plans I have for you”-This is the Lord’s declaration-“Plans for our welfare, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” ~Jeremiah 29:11

Nevertheless, I was pretty nervous about having a pregnancy a little later in life and at that moment our “baby” girl was already five years old. This was like starting all over again!

“ Sons are indeed a heritage from the Lord, children, a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the sons born in one’s youth.  Happy is the man who has filled his quiver with them.” Psalm 127:3-5

We immediately made the decision to not share our news with anyone until I was safely out of the first trimester. That second trimester started and we announced the news, first to the girls and we let them decorate a poster board that said, “We are having a baby” and present it to everyone that was at bible study that Sunday.  Our parents were as surprised as we were at first I think but seemed very excited. It seems appropriate that we have his, hers, but no ours so every part of the pregnancy we decided to share with our family in a fun way. July 4th we had a family cookout/gender reveal party at our home. I wrapped a boy with pink and blue paper and the 5 younger girls opened it to reveal the BLUE balloons. That’s right, blue! We are having a little boy! This is what I wished for, this is what Steven wished for, and our parents I think. My gut was telling me that I was growing a son inside of me but I wouldn’t let my myself get to excited about the possibility until I knew for sure. This has been so exciting dreaming of blue clothes and footballs!  God knew what he was doing! The earlier mentioned “issues” concerning other family members have not resolved completely but Steven and I are both in agreement that this boy is going to do great things! God has plans for him, special plans.

“I chose you before I formed you in the womb; I set you apart before you were born. I appointed you as a profit to the nations.” Jeremiah 1:5

After a summer that has gone way to fast I have spent the last 7 days at the beach with just my three girls. Terri, my sister, came down for a few days as well. Stevens’s girls are back with their mother after an eight week stay with us for summer break. It was heart wrenching to say goodbye to them at summers end. Steven gets to come meet us for the weekend ending our vacation and I cannot wait to see him! I have been carrying our son for about 23 and a half weeks now and he is growing stronger inside of me every day as I can feel him shift and move constantly. I am not sure what his purpose is yet but I feel sure it is something amazing!  I will keep you posted on our progress! Please continue to remember our family in your prayers.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Humble me oh Lord!

I haven’t taken the time to blog in a very long time. It seems that when the devil decides to strike a household, he hits hard! Starting at the end of December, he has lingered within the walls of our home and sometimes I feel like he stands outside the front door to hit us as we leave our home as well. It has not just been one thing, but a variety of situations from family sickness to misguided children and even lies that could be detrimental to our lives. I am certain that when I started this blog, it was not to ever be negative or pessimistic and I feel that is why I have withheld from jotting down my words for so very long. I simply wanted to share the stories of my blessings while reveling in God’s word.
I realized just tonight that yes; our family has been through many trials in this last five months or so. But all the while, we are still surrounded by so many blessings. For example, since the last time I blogged I have started a job as full time nursing faculty at our local community college, this IS what I went to school for! I want to teach nurses to be good nurses!! I got to attend my first pinning ceremony as a faculty member the other day. I have only been with these students for one semester but I am proud beyond belief and words cannot even begin to describe how happy I am for these students as I watch them complete this semester and move on into the profession! I hope they realize as I watch them grow, and learn, and become our nurses of the future, and that God is their strength and while yes, medical advances are wonderful, He is what is the light and the path that truly guides them in caring for their future patients.
1 Chronicles 16:11 Seek the LORD and his strength; seek his presence continually!”
I realize that there are times in all of our lives when we need to be humbled. I also realize that the best way to work through my problems is on my knees with my prayers going up! I am human; there are times when I just become so angry at the situations surrounding me that it is difficult to see the blessings that lie within them.
I am blessed that my children sit down at the table to have breakfast in the morning and in unison begin the say grace and thank God for the food that they are about to eat (even if I am in the other room getting ready for my workday).
Proverbs 22:6  Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it.”
We all have struggles in our lives and days that feel like our world is crashing down around us. I find myself praying often of late that God will simply show me the right path and calm my anger that surrounds the many situations in my life that I have no control over. I pray to simply be humble.
Psalm 147:6  “The LORD lifts up the humble; he casts the wicked to the ground.”
We still have many unspoken prayer needs within the walls of our home. I ask that if you took the time to read this, please take a few moments and pray for our family.
Happy May everyone!! J