One of my favorite songs that our Praise and Worship team sings during church is their rendition of “Lead Me to The Cross” by Seventh Day Slumber. It seems that every time it begins tears almost immediately start flowing swiftly down my face. It is so surreal and unmistakably convicting as I hear one certain verse in that song. The words are few, and simple, but very real for me, “Rid Me of Myself”. Four little words that instantly make me realize how much I personally lack spiritually. Rid me of myself is an extremely unassuming statement which almost screams at me every single time I hear it. Typically it is something that both challenges and convicts me only as I hear the lyrics but for the biggest part of today it was as if I could hear someone whispering over and over again in my ear, “rid me of myself”. I realize my own shortcomings and try hard to change those but the ones that I haven’t been successful in changing quite yet I have learned to embrace. One of my greatest limitations is that I tend to think I can “fix” things. I worry and even more than that, I stress out like crazy over things that I have NO control over! I KNOW that God is there, I KNOW he listens to each and every one of my prayers, and I KNOW that he answers the ones that are in His will. I also know that some of the prayers that I pray are my own hopes and may not be what is “right” for me, for our family. God knows the right one! Thank God he does! I think back to childhood prayers when I wanted a horse that lived in my bedroom, longer hair, blue eyes, green eyes once, to be thinner etc… As I grew a bit older it was for a 1965 Mustang, a bigger chest, money, clothes etc… It makes me laugh a little as I think of all the prayers that I haven’t gotten over the years because they were not in His will. If He had answered them all, I would a large chested, skinny gal with long hair and two different color eyes that would be struggling to keep gasoline in my 46 year old car and cleaning horse dung out of my bedroom nightly.
“When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.” James 4:3
Yet on the other hand I realize daily how many of those prayers are answered as I watch six healthy girls get ready for bed at night and close my eyes as the last thing I see is the man that I love with every ounce of my heart. I get to enjoy fellowship as more and more people are becoming involved in our bible study. I get the opportunity to watch our children raise their hands and praise God in church. I am blessed to have the opportunity to watch God’s glory shine through my family daily. Sometimes I simply need a little reminder that I don’t make the decisions, God does! The prayers that I pray may not always be answered but the ones that are supposed to be are! I may not understand, or even agree but I HAVE to trust that He will do what is best for me in due time. Sometimes I do not know the why's, the how's, or even the when's but I do know that He is there and He IS listening at all times!
“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see” Hebrews 11:1